he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
