It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
