the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
