The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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