I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
