You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
