he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
