I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
