I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
