You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
