I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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