She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
