We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
