i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize