ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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