Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
