so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize