I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
