They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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