I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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