I wannas sexs uuuuu
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
