Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
