ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
