It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
