I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
