My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
