listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
