I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
