He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
