the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
