omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
