Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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