I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
