the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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