you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Randomize
