Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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