I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
My pussy is not your playground.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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