thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
