I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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