I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
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