I bet he comes in French.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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