Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
