well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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