They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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