I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
