normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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