Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
