I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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