i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize