Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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