yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
