Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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