I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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