It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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