i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
