So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
