My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
