hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
