And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
