so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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