Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
