bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
