Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
