so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
