Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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