i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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