She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
where does the pee come out of this thing
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Success! We fucked roommates!
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