Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
